| I have been dealing with addiction for twenty-nine | | | | pain and agony. Proof that no one cares about you |
| years. The problem lies in the fact that I am only | | | | and life is nothing but a cruel joke. Something inside of |
| twenty-eight. Addiction for me started at conception. | | | | me was broken and since I had no clue what normal |
| My parents were practicing addicts and left no room in | | | | was; I did not know exactly what was broken. I started |
| their lives for the children they brought into this world. | | | | to write down the things I thought about. My long lost |
| It's a cold, dark and desperate world to be born into, | | | | dreams I had as a child came back to me so I put |
| and one that leaves no room for kindness, generosity | | | | those on paper also. I started to write about the |
| or love. It's a hopeless flood of despair and destruction | | | | horrible things that I had been thru and even worse, the |
| and the only guarantee is certain death. I never even | | | | things that I had done. I reached a point in those four |
| realized that I was living a life headed straight for hell | | | | months that started me on my journey towards |
| until it was too late. At twenty-three, life gave me | | | | recovery. |
| some time to think about the last twenty some odd | | | | They released me from jail with a lighter sentence |
| years. Four months to think about it to be exact. Four | | | | then I deserved, which boosted my new found belief in |
| months in county was enough time to realize that I had | | | | God. I moved to a small town where no one knew my |
| a problem. However, it was not long enough for me to | | | | name. I joined a meeting with people who understood |
| find a solution. I was busted for manufacturing | | | | where I came from and who knew what it felt like to |
| methamphetamine and I thought that my life was | | | | be dead inside. I continued to work on me as the child |
| certainly over. I had no clue how to live a normal life. I | | | | inside me grew. By the time my daughter was born I |
| did not even know what a normal life looked like. I sat | | | | had a pretty decent grip on me. I found out, thru the |
| behind bars wondering how my life came to be what | | | | help of other people with similar afflictions, that my |
| its is. | | | | problem was not drugs. It was me. As a child, I learned |
| My father was in prison, my mom is a needle junkie | | | | the skills to survive a life of torment. As an adult, I am |
| and I had just lost two of the most important family | | | | learning the skills to thrive as a productive member of |
| members to drugs and alcohol. The only consistencies | | | | society. |
| that I had in my life were jails, drugs and death. I | | | | Struggling with life is given; learning to succeed thru |
| learned how to make weed pipes when I was five. I | | | | those struggles is a choice. I have found hope and |
| grew up in bars so alcohol was constantly available at | | | | happiness, kindness and love, friendship and family. I |
| an early age. I had no past experience of life being | | | | have figured out that life does not have to be what |
| great. No knowledge of marriage lasting a lifetime. Yet, | | | | you were given at birth. It is what you do with the life |
| I had a ton of proof showing me that life was full of | | | | that was given that matters. |